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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

The kind of calls I take during the day:

All conversations described herein have actually occurred. For grins I make a note of the odd comment or conversation and when I need a laugh, I read through them. Here's some good ones we've gotten since January this year. (What's scary is that these are the cream of the crop, I have more - I've been working at this place for YEARS) Identifying information has been changed to protect the stupid.
 
"Y'know, Microsoft is like Maalox. They don't solve the problem, they just coat over the symptoms."
 
"My Microsoft got corroded so I reloaded the CD but now when I try to reload your program the computer can't run launch"
 
ME: what version of windows are you running?
Him: Windows 98 OBG
ME: OBG???
Him: Oldie but Goodie
 
Me - And when is this error message happening?
Client - It started yesterday.
 
Worked with a gentleman who was having the program act up.  Naturally, I had him reboot before we did anything.   He went to reboot and *click*His phone went dead. I called him back and he tells me: "I'm sorry, when I hit the switch on the power strip it hung up my cordless phone."
 
"I don't use the internet to send e-mail - I use Juno."
 
Me: What version of windows do you have?
Her: Oh, I don't know....
Me: That's okay. I can find out...
Her: *interrupts* Oh! wait, I bet the little sticker on the side of the big brain thing will tell me what version of windows, hold on.... let me go get a magnifying glass!
*thunk**Pause**rummaging sounds*
Her: Okay let me see here..... it says Made for Microsoft windows XP Home edition...... there's a bunch of numbers, do you need those?
Me: *jaw agape* no, thanks.....
 
Her: *your software* is broken, it wont allow me to type in a file name.
Me: Does the keyboard work?
Her: Yes! Of course the keyboard works. I was just using it.
Me: Can you type in something right now?
Her: Of course I can type in something right now!
Me: Open up a file, type something.
Her: The keyboard works!
Me: Did you type anything just now?
Her: No, but it was working a few minutes ago.
Me: Lets just try typing in something.
Her: Oh, it looks like my keyboard doesnt work.
 
Me: "You know our software allows you to re-direct where you look for the information so you can have everyone look to the same location."
Tech: "Like a network drive?"
Me: "Yeah exactly."
Tech: "Any idea where I can pick up a network drive?"
 
Me: Ok, go ahead and close out of *our software*
Him:  Yep, i'm pretty much closed out.
Me: You are completely closed out? or is *our software* still open? 
Him: Oh, I'm pretty much closed out of the file. 
Me:  Ummm, yeah....Go ahead and close completely out of the program. 
Him: All the way out? 
 
Clipped from an actual e-mail recieved:
WE HAVE ABOUT 4-5 CDS OF *your program* (SOME OF THEM 5 YEARS OLD)WE USED THE WRONG(NOT THE LATEST) CD ON THE 5TH COMPUTER,THANKS TO YOU, WE FOUND THIS OUT BY LOOKING AT THE VERGIN LEVEL.
 
Another real e-mail:
Just received a copy of the latest program disk.  When I attempted to install on my win2k machine, I received an error.  I forgot to write the error down, but figured you have gotten the same from someone else.  Can you call me and/or tell me about the error and the work around?
 
Yet another real e-mail:
My home network went down. *My ISP* tech came out to fix.  Needed to swap the home mortal from one computer to another. after rebooting home network unable to access files. Please advises.
 
A snippet of VM that we have recieved:
"It's 11:30 pacific time.  I'll be leaving in an hour to an hour and a half.  If you can't call me by then, I'll be back in the office by 12:30, you can call after then."
 
 

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