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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Monday, January 10, 2005

Say no to crack - it's not just for Men anymore

Firstborn called my cell phone today on the way home from work this evening and told me that we were out of garbage bags and it was garbage night. He said that DH would ground him if I didnt' get garbage bags tonight which is likely true because DH and I agreed that he is old enough to let us know when he uses the last of something. he's been consistently "forgetting" and we are always making emergency trips to the store for things like toilet paper, toothpaste, kitty litter and garbage bags. So, softie that I am, I turned the car around and drove to the store. I'd been meaning to drop by one of these days cause there a couple incidentals that I needed but I'm a procrastinator and kept putting it off. (Speaking of which, there should be a club for procrastinators, like AA or something with 12 steps. "Hello, my name is Karry and I am a procrastinator." The thing is, would we ever have a meeting???) Agh, I digress. So - where was I? Oh yes, cell phone, garbage bags, go to store....

So, I got to the store and found all my items with relative ease and I found a line that only had one person in it finishing things up. (Oh the joy of a quick store line; get in, grab things and get out all in 20 minutes - gasp - someone catch me before I faint) So, I'm checking out and after I pay and grab the bag I happen to notice this rather large Woman? a couple lanes down. She's tall? and blonde? and really really big.* This in itself would not have drawn my attention, but she had THREE carts of groceries she was checking out. Now, I've done up to two carts at once, and that was pretty hard, but she had three - I have NO IDEA how she was goingto get all those groceries to the car. I'm thinkign she was going to tie them together with spare wal-mart bags or something and drive that train on out to the Cutlass Cruiser station wagon parked out front with it's blinkers on.

No, all that did not catch my eye. What DID catch my eye was pink stripes. Pink stripes in places that don't normally get pink stripes. (keep reading - yes they were THOSE kinds of pink stripes) That and about 4 inches of crack and 3 inches of jiggly bits hanging over the edge of her super tight mini-skirt. Her hair was floss blonde which I doubt was real and she had nice thick wedges on her feet that were about 1 1/2 inches off the ground. She was about 45 years old which just added to the disaster that she created with her wardrobe.

Folks, I am not a small woman, and I am the first to admit that I might have stripes (might!) where they shouldn't be, but I COVER 'EM UP. I know I am tall so I don't wear heels to accentuate it, and if I'm wearing something that tends to ride down/up I MOST CERTAINLY do not BEND OVER IN PUBLIC exposing all my unsightlies to anyone nearby.

I wonder if she looked in her mirror before she left the house? If so, she certainly didn't BEND OVER to check the ride on the skirt! (Am I the only one who does this? Please tell me that this is a sane thing to be doing)

I think that the true horror of this does not lie in what I saw. The true horror lies in the first thought that popped into my head when I caught sight of her. It's something I do to my children when they present a tempting cheek now and then. With my children it usually results in a quick cover up and a loud "Mawwwwwm" and some playful swattign as they try to get me back. Yes, I totally thought this, and I swear people, it came from the MOTHER side of me that does this to my kids. It was a GUT REFLEX and I am almost ashamed to admit this but it was "Smack it and run! Go go GO!"

Think she might have deserved it?

Yeah, me too.

*Those words are in question marks cause I'm not sure if it was a woman, what her true hair color was and how tall she was due to the heels she had on.


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