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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Total Meltdown

No painting updates today. DH finished the castle but I didn't do anything. My day was really crappy. Car battery is dead, and I have to wait a week to get a new battery for it (pay day!) so I'm back to one car again unless we can find one cheaper than at the local auto parts store. ($75!)

Then, well, work was terrible. Let's just say I made a VERY BAD (but totally human and totally normal, non-extraordinary) mistake and publicly embarassed myself in front of a nationwide audience of our clients and my mistake is now ARCHIVED and UN-RETRACTABLE and because it was a VERY BAD mistake, I got chewed out for it by EVERYONE. People in OTHER DEPARTMENTS that never usually give me the time of day CHEWED ME OUT. I locked myself in the bathroom during lunch break and cried for a while I felt that bad about it. I'm still weepy over it but I think it's because I try so hard for perfection at work because I want a promotion SO DANG BAD (no promotion in over three years) and I thought I was making good progress in the brownie point area and Works-extra-hard-and-deserves-better-compensation area only to have it all undone by clicking SEND too quickly.

Why why why did I not CAREFULLY examine who was in the TO section? I re-read the e-mail twice, but could I be bothered to look at who I was adressing? Oh NO... Karry's busy, too many things to do today, too many trainings to conduct, too many co-workers to answer questions for - too much documentation to create, too many calls to answer/return.....

STUPID STUPID STUPID e-mail. Sometimes, when you hit REPLY (not reply-to-all like a good little sheep) the sender of the originating email is NOT the only one who will get said sarcastic reply. Remember that. My loss is your gain.

I don't think I will be fired because of this, especially because it was so obvious it was a mistake when I went white as a sheet when the intended recipient said to me "do you realize who you just sent that to?" I have made apologies all around and to the confused clients who e-mailed me back. I don't doubt however that there will be more tongue lashings coming from above in the form of "Discussions" and "Meetings".

Right about now I hate everything, especailly the fact that I can't crawl into a hole and shrivel up like a giant karry-raisin. Also - I'm probably being WAY harder on myself than work will ever be - did I ever tell you how cool a job this is and how awesome HE-who-offers-me-a-paycheck-to-do-what-I-love is? Well, let's just say that it's such a cool job that I moved cross country to a town down here sight-unseen just to keep it.

So, I know I'm overreacting, and blowing it out of proportion, ,but remember, I'm striving for perfection at work, and this is just about as far as you can go in the OPPOSITE direction as you can get.

If you made it this far through my rant, I'm sorry it wasn't funny or anything - I'm kind of FREAKING OUT right now. hopefully I will be better later. Thankfully I don't have to go back there until Sunday (Yes I'm working on Mothers day, someone needed to switch their shift and it's just testing the software and I like testing the software) and nobody really will be there. Maybe a couple of people but that's about it. And Monday I have an all-day meeting on some new things we are implementing so I won't really have to face this until Tuesday. I'll probably be all better by then. I hope. If I'm not, I will be answering questions all day long about "Somethign wrong Karry? You OK Karry? Are you embarassed Karry? You look a little embarassed Karry"

Just shoot me now.


Blogger Jen said...

I would tell you not to feel bad, but that's like preaching to the choir here. I've been employed by the same temp-agency for three years now, so I strive for perfection also. I keep thinking when the company that employs me through the agency ends their hiring freeze, they will not hesitate to hire me. Well I was left alone for a month, and "the boss" emails me to throw together a brochure of services offered at the place I work. Hurry up, chop chop, get it done. I put my heart into it, even pasted in pictures of our specific models of equipment we use. I was proud of it! I emailed it back to her, and got nothing. No feedback. Then the boss of the company where I'm located came around and I showed him the brochure. That night I got a call from the temp agency to call them 1st thing in the morning. That's never good. Ended up my boss couldn't bitch me out herself, she had the agency do it. She said I went over her and undermined her authority. I bawled on the phone to my temp agency rep. I totally over-reacted, she knew I did what was right in my heart. I was so embarrassed about how I reacted, I dropped my timecard off through the slot in the door after hours for two months. Not quite the same magnitude as your faux pas, but same line. Keep your chin up.

5/06/2005 07:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry about your bad day at work. I've made one of those very embarising mistakes too. Keep your chin up things will blow over.
Chat at ya later.

5/06/2005 09:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Dear... Dad used to say "one aw-sht wipes out all the atta-boys" He used to hate that also and you know how Dad was so quiet and introverted. Companies are tough now-a-days as they are in financial crunches and they don't give away raises or promotions anymore like they used to. Just remember that you answer to a higher authority and rewards come eventually... don't dispair in doing good. (I bet you hate the fact that I figured out how to post, don't you?) Love Mom

5/06/2005 10:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so sympathize with you! I am promotionless for 4+ years now. Every move I make I feel is so important- but the truth is- before this you were a great person and employee and after this you will be the same. Think of it as a way to show your grace under extreme conditions.
Oh, and Hi Linda!! (Seems so funny to call my 2nd mom by her first name! haha) Good to see you on here- take care!! Becki

5/06/2005 05:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can anyone feel bad when they've got so many fans in their corner? You must be doing something right!

The only people that never make a mistake are those who never DO anything--and you don't want to be one of them. YOU are interesting, THEY are not. Cate

5/06/2005 06:48:00 PM  
Blogger Karry said...

Thanks for the moral support guys - you all are making me feel a ton better about this!

5/07/2005 12:37:00 PM  

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