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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Friday, June 17, 2005

I think I'm a social cripple

No offense to anyone who is actually physically handicapped in any way....

But I do think I'm a social cripple. At most social events, I tend to leave early because I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to act, and it's very uncomfortable when I slip into idiot mode where I just hold my glass of soda and smile and nod, nod and smile, nod and smile.

The other day I got an e-mail invitation to a party. There was to be a live band, free food and good fun, even swimming in a pool. I almost choked. Live band = dancing, and pool = swimming. I do neither well. It was from someone I have a passing aquaintance to at work - mostly of the smile and nod variety. Then I read the cc list of invite-ees. I realized there was NO WAY she meant to invite me, she probably wanted to invite the other Karry in our office. So, I asked her. And she agreed that was what she had intended. AND I WAS ONLY RELIEVED.

If I had been the one to make the faux pas and invite someone unwittingly, I would have denied that it was an accident and insisted that I intended to invite the person, but that the person was IN NO WAY obligated to come. Then I would have invited the correct person as well. I don't know if I should be upset about being so ungraciously "un-invited" (Should I even have asked?) or totally happy I had no obligation to attend and wither up inside when I retreat into smile/nod land.

Now I'm all worried about it and wondering if I will ever be able to attend a social event and NOT go into panic mode prior to it.....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I panic all the time and I have for the many years old that I am... sometimes I felt like, even when people invited me, an outcast. I still feel uncomfortable and I am not sure that ever goes away. Guess you can chuck it up to "poor self esteem" at least that's what I have read. Probably, passed this along to you... sorry. Mom

6/17/2005 09:51:00 AM  
Blogger Karry said...

Oh thank goodness it's genetic - I was worried it was just me and that my mental illness quotient was going up. It might still be going up but now I can blame it on my genes. LOL!

6/17/2005 11:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Karry, if you can blame it on your genes, then my problem must be in the mental illness department. LOL!
I don't have a problem going to the club with a friend and being around total strangers(besides the fact I don't dance too much unless I have a couple of drinks in me.) But when it comes to going to a social event with a bunch of people, some of which are aquaintances. I just slip into about the same mode.
In fact I just got invinted to a wedding. A friend from work invited me to her mothers wedding and receiption. Thankfully, she was a close enough friend I told her my problem, but that I would like to come for a while. I debated about it up until that day. I did really want to go but I know how I am around a bunch of people and some of them I work with. The night before I took the kids to Chuckie Cheese's and played way too much Ski-Ball. So I had a bad backache and a really good reason not to go. I felt a little bad about not going but also relieved.
About the way she so graciously "un-invited" you, some people are just too rude. Rachel

6/17/2005 02:56:00 PM  

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