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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Road rage

We've all felt it - you know - the urge to smack some sense into the eejit who cut you off with nary a blinker or even a shrug and an "oops" expression. Today, on the way home from work - I encountered several Eejit people, and the funny thing about it was that every freaking last one of them was driving a car that was plated in New Jersey. I feared for my life on the New Jersey roads when I went there on a business trip not that long ago. Apparently the native New Jersian is a very agressive and irritating driver. But - I'm all about benefit of the doubt and it could have been pure coincidence with my experiences on New Jersey roads, and not that it means anything that all of today's eejits were driving New Jersey vehicles - but I'm just sayin....

So - without further ado - here are the eejits that escorted me on my way home from work today:

Eejit 1: Morse Code Truck
This woman can't stop her vehicle. She has to tap, tap, taptaptaaaaap, tap, taptaaaaap her brakes. She's either being tickled by the flying spaghetti monster's noodly appendages or she can't drive.

Eejit 2: Are you stealing second, Mr. Cadillac Deville?
This old fart can't stay still at the stop light! Light turns red, we stop. He inches forward 3 inches. Light is still red. He inches forward another 6 inches. Light? Very red. Inches forward another foot. Still red. Cross road gets a yellow? His foot is off that brake and the car starts it's 10 mph idle across the intersection. By the time we got a green, he was almost 5 feet out into the middle of the cross street! (I still got to the next light faster than he did though and I wasn't even trying - NYAH!)

Eejit 3: Yellow Hummer Submarine
This "dude" almost ran me over. There are two left turn lanes and I was on the inside one and he was on the outside one. The turn in question is on the road that goes by WalMart and I think he was wanting to go shopping. Anyhow - there we are, turning left and he is turning INTO ME! Okay maybe it's just the turn - some people can't handle the turn well and edge into other lanes - but NO he was halfway into my lane and aiming for Wally World. Um, EXCUSE me, another car here?

Eejit 4: He's gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now.
So - made the turn and I'm doing the speed limit as is the car next to me (not the hummer - he practically stopped in the right lane to edge into the left once he figured out I was there - thanks in large part to my 22 year old WOOOGA horn) - as we go through various curves in the road, sometime she inches ahead, sometimes I inch ahead - but mostly we are keeping pace with eachother. That's kind of weird when it happens, but the guy behind me made it even weirder. When I inch ahead, he's behind me. When she inches ahead, he's behind her. Wherever he had to go so fast, I hope he held it long enough to make it there.

Eejit 5: Lackadasical Honda
This one turned onto my road so it lives/rents/is visiting somewhere close to me. The speed limit is 25, but they went 15. Couldn't pass them cause they were rubbernecking all the houses or something - they were all OVER the road. (They weren't drunk - they drove fine before turning onto my street) Oh - and if you must be patriotic, let's start by driving an American car, followed by not leaving the red/white/blue "God bless the USA" ribbon magnet on the rear of your car until it's faded to a yellow/cream and turquoise. That's just WEIRD looking.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you just love the roads! Rachel

7/15/2005 08:52:00 AM  

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