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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Marlboro bought me groceries tonight

Just got paid. Which means I'm broke again. I was wondering what to do for food today when I found a $10 gift card in my purse that I sent away for from Marlboro over a year ago. (No - I don't smoke, but I'm a sucker for cheap and or free stuff so I try to snag all the bargains I can) It had traveled with me all over the place and I somehow had missed spending it. It expired tonight. So - about a half hour ago, I was at the store, attempting to buy groceries with it, but the stupid card didn't work. So I tried to run my old debit card to an account in my old northern bank that I had never closed out and still had some cash in it. Turns out I had not only left the account open, but also forgotten to give them my new address and the card was LONG since expired. HAH! I'm so smart. So, I paid with old faithful, my current bank account ($30! that was half my grocery budget for two weeks!) and got out of everyone's way. (WOW people get hostile in a Walmart checkout lane - Look guys, it's 10PM, I need food, I have money, I just don't happen to be able to get the money out right now is all so stop with the HUGE-SIGH-JUST-PAY-ALREADY_I-CANT-BELIEVE-IT'S-TAKING-HER-SO-LONG looks!)

I put my bags in the trunk and called the Marlboro reward card place, fully expecting the phones to be closed, but it was worth a shot - after tonight I will be $10 poorer with nothign to show for it and all ya know. Money is money. SO - I was floored when they answered the phone! And ever so politely explained to me that the card would not work because I was using it wrong. Then they asked me to go back to the store because the money would be gone tomorrow. HAH - they obviously don't know me, because I was in the middle of the parking lot sitting on my trunk talking to them on my cell phone.

So - I went back in, got the fresh veggies that I had neglected to buy the first time around and ran the card the way they told me to do it and VOILA! Free food! Yay! So - I'm good for about a week now, longer if we stretch it out and maybe we will make it to next payday! Ramen for dinner won't be too terribly bad. I splurged on some bananas for the kids, they can have those as a side dish! I'm only half kidding. Yay, cheap food!

Working

Well it went really well yesterday apparently. DH had a great time and thinks he did well. He's got another call today and I think there's another one tomorrow too. Now all I need to worry about is when he's left to his own devices and not working as a "ride-along". We kind of need a car that won't short out after a rainstorm and isn't rusting through. I'm putting out feelers for something clean looking that is reliable. At this point I'd drive anything.... Nothing wrong with the Mercedes (le sigh) except for the shorting and constant battery draining. I think I need to find someone who can redo the electrical system for me. At the very least, find the short.

Firstborn was irritated at us for calling him so much - but he was fine on his own for an hour and a half. (He even got his chores done! Oh the power of a playstation to motivate...) I think he was relieved though when DH got home with the girls. He embarassed DH by running out to the car and yelling something at his boss like "What do you want now?" - which isn't what he meant, but those are the words that came out... They all got a good chuckle out of it and Firstborn got a lecture on proper etiquiette.

DH asked me if I had an old laptop bag anywhere - which sadly, I do not. However, there might be a couple laying around the office here so I'm going rummaging in the storeroom later. They chucked out several not so long ago because nobody wanted them, but I'm hoping there's a couple strays.

DH also got to keep the old computer that the guy didn't want so he was all geeked up about that. When I spoke with him on the phone when he got home it was fun to hear him so happy. I asked him if he'd do the work just for the spare parts and he chuckled a little bit and said "yeah, probably". Too cute.

Monday, August 29, 2005

A job!

DH got the job! I'm so proud of him! He's all geeked for it too, I'm so happy! They are really flexible and will work around the kids school schedules. It's not going to be a ton of money at first, and it may never be a ton of money, but it's something he likes to do, it's flexible and money is money. We need it.

Amazing part of all this is that DH and I were just talking about him hunting for work and I had agred to update his resume when the guy called to ask if DH was still interested in working for him.

Let me rewind about 12 months here. Firstborn was in boy scouts and I had taken him to a meeting because DH was sick. I got to talking geek with the father of another boy there. He was in the process of starting up a branch office of his main business (based up north). I mentioned that DH was just as geeky as I was and was unemployed. DH and the father were promptly introduced at the next scout meeting. DH gave him his card and well.. the guy remembered DH and called us.

AWESOME! I'm so happy for DH. He's going to love doing this I just know it. (It's in-house computer repair like those commercials you see for the "Geek Squad")

So, YAY! A job!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Katrina and employment

Katrina is a class 5 hurricane now. She’s barreling down on New Orleans and everyone knows that it will be devastating – especially seeing as how the city is below sea level and has been slowly sinking over the past several years. To give you an idea what a class 5 hurricane is like, think sideways rain. You know those pictures of hurricanes you see in the news all the time? Yeah, like that. But all the time. Hurricanes are like tornadoes, except they never leave. They just stay and stay and stay.

So, if you have faith, please keep everyone in this hurricane’s path in your prayers. I’m glad it’s not me – but I’m not happy it’s them either.

Hurricane Katrina

In other weather related news, there is another tropical storm forming. Right now it’s just called number 13, but if it develops into a storm (and I expect it to) it will be called Lee. They are predicting that one to come really near me – but it’s still early yet.

We never managed to get that generator I was aiming for – bills and other stuff just got in the way – but I do have about a dozen 2liters frozen solid in my freezer – I have some wood to brace the garage door with and I have some glow sticks for the kids at bedtime (No electricity means no nightlights – waaaaah!) and I have some cast iron and aluminum foil for cooking on the grill. Still need that new grill too – I’m not sure if the metal grate on our grill will even hold the cast iron up. But – hey! If it doesn’t, it’s cast iron – so I can cook right in the middle of the flames and it won’t matter – well except to clean it that is.

DH doesn’t know about that job yet. Apparently he passed a knowledge test they gave him (and he didn’t even study!) and needs to meet the owner of the business to pass muster. They will be doing that sometime tomorrow. Pretty much he needs to sit by the phone and when she calls, he needs to drop what he’s doing to go meet with her. Not so sure how all that will work out if they choose to employ him – but it is an on-call type of business so it may just have to be like that. We sure could use the extra cash. I hope it all works out.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

scraps

DH might have a job coming his way! A year ago Firstborn joined boy scouts. We met another father in the group and got to talking geek. This man runs a computer repair business and wanted to keep DH in mind as a potential employee which was fine for us. We told him it would have to be part time around the kids school schedules and he was okay with that. Now, fasto forward to yesterday. DH got a phone call from the guy and he'd like to meet with Dh again about work. DH agreed. They are supposed to call again sometime today. I'm so excited for DH! He would do so well doing this - it's right up his alley!

In other news, Youngest has her friend from school over today to spend the night. They are playing dress up and having a grand old time. It's her friend's first overnight so we may be making a phone call late tonight, we will see.

Middlechild has made a friend down the street - she's over there right now playing. They get along great.

Firstborn neglected his chores so he has had to stay home all weekend with no TV, game boy, ,playstation or CD player. He's reading this year - he's actually reading! A real book! Without pictures! He will even take a break from his book to tell me about what's happening in it. I asked him if it felt like watching a movie and he said yes - now he knows what I'm talking about. I'm so happy!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

(Potential) hurricane a comin'

Should be in the area around the weekend - just in time for my couple days of no work. YAY! FUN! I'm glad for it though - it's projected path isn't really that close to me which means we'll get a bunch of rain but not much else. We could use some more rain. But not this weekend - I want sunshine this weekend - I want my hammock again. I think I might just have to install eyehooks on the back porch in order to get to use it. If it isn't a stupid squirrel eating pinecones on top of the tree I'm in (ouch!), it's rain, or horseflies, or the back yard needs de-pooping again so the stench isn't so foul, or I have something else to do. Nothing planned this weekend - except rain.

Hurricane Haiku (I hope I got the syllables right)

Hurricane go now
I want to use my hammock
in sunshine, not rain

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Typical Male

About a week ago, I noticed a horrid stench in my car - but only when I turned on the fan. It was a smell so awful - you can't even imagine. Now - my car windows cannot roll down. It's Florida and it's damp and HOT. I need the airconditioning in my car. So I drove home with the smell gagging me all the way home.

I thought I had run over something rotten on the way to work.

The next day, the smell was still there, only worse. It was morning and I was on the way to work so I just turned off the fan and opened the sunroof. Still hot - but not unbearably so. I was only slightly damp by the time I got to work and not full blown sweaty. Anything not to puke in the morning.

I figured a mouse had died in my car somewhere like they used to do up north.

On the way home - the smell was still there - so I put an air freshener in my car and vowed to mention it to Dh and have him make sure that nothing gooey was stuck to my car or hiding within. Of course - the air freshener I got (Malibu Cherry scented California Scents tin! Yum!) covered up the smell so well, by the time I got home and the kids ran out of the house to meet me I had forgotten about the foul odor. And so it went....

Until yesterday.

Now, remember, my car is flakey - the battery drains completely if it rains during the day and the alternator isn't doing so well - so I have to plug it in every night. I have DH do this because - ooo electricity, and battery acid, and electricity, and my tender skin, I'm not so confident around that combination. It might go BOOM.

So, anyway, I had DH plug my car in yesterday and I'm out there with him looking down the road at the empty lot they are clearing. He comments offhandedly to me "Hey! That dead lizard is gone! It must have fallen out somewhere. Cool."

WHAT????

There was a dead lizard in my car - and you knew about it? And - yet, you did...

NOTHING???

DH laughed at my shock and horror and tale of smelly rides to and from work. Oh yeah, DH? You just wait till something dies in YOUR car! Guess who won't tell whom about it then??? NYAH!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Today - at work....

I bring the kids with me to work if I'm working on a weekend. They are pretty good about letting me work. They like the foosball and airhockey tables in the breakroom. They like the spinny Aeron chairs with adjustable lumbar support. We just got new paper towel dispensers that use motion sensors. Can you say FUN? (Even *I* enjoy playing with them. hee hee) There's a pond out back and a stray cat out front that we feed. There's even a turtle on a co-workers desk! We take breaks and eat lunch together and I get tons of new colored pages for my cubicle walls. Sometimes I even interrupt work just long enough to give them a tickle fit. Plus, all the hugs during the day do make the day go by faster.

Today at work was no exception. Here's a couple vignettes:

This morning:
Firstborn: Mom, do you have a stapler?
ME: ...taps stapler so he will see it cause I'm busy at the moment
Firstborn: Thanks
.....kachunk...kachunk...kachunka....
Youngest: Uh Oh
Firstborn: Uh, mom? Do you have a staple REMOVER?

Later this morning:
ME: Firstborn - you have a booger hanging outta your nose, go blow it.
Firstborn: A booger? Really?
*SNUUUUUUURRRRRRCCCCCKKKKKK*
Firstborn: Is it gone now?

Lunchtime:
... Crunch crunch snarf slobber slup crunch ...
ME: You know, you kids eat like pigs
Firstborn (with mouth full of chewed carrot and ranch dressing): We do?
ME: Ewww gross! Don't talk with your mouth full!
Firstborn: What, like this? (shows mouthful of food again)
ME: Exactly! (giggle) That's gross! (hee hee)
Firstborn: (GIGGLE -SNORT)
ME: Careful! Don't inhale the carrot! (Must - Conceal - Smile! Too - Late! giggle giggle)
Firstborn: (Snort - Giggle - SNORT - SNORT - Giggle)
... we erupted into gales of laughter while we showed eachother our lunches.... (You think that's gross? Check this out! Blaaaaaaaaa)

Yep. I'm definitely teaching them the good stuff.

we're moving into uncharted territory

Middlechild is starting to surgically attach the phone to her hand. She can't seem to let go of it even if she's not talking. It might ring! Oh nooo! She will call her friends up and then read a book while they are on the phone or watch a tv show "with" them. Firstborn would like to use the phone now and then but I have to evict Middlechild from it first. She will also leave our cordless phones around which REALLY irks me. DH and I bought ourselves cordless phones and he has one on his desk and I have one on mine. I can't count the times I have told Middlechild that she CANT USE MY PHONE (the kids have their own cordless and a corded phone to use) but she always does - the phone will ring and I will go for my phone and it's gone. I will go for DH's phone and that one's gone too. ANNOYING!

I don't want her using mine because there have been a couple times when she will be mad at one of her friends and the cordless phone will go sailing across the room. Naturally she gets punished when this happens, but it doesn't save the phone. The caller ID display is broken, various things are snapped off and it cuts out sometimes when talking. The batteries are old so you can't talk but maybe an hour before it starts to go.... I figure the kids made that phone that way - they can keep it. My phone will stay nice. The last time it disappeared, I yelled at everyone. Including DH who had let her use it. I was really ticked off. It's been a couple days now and so far my phone has stayed put. I hope to keep it that way.

Gah - all this mess and she's only 10. What-ever will I do when she becomes an official teenager?

Friday, August 19, 2005

SADNESS!

Joe Ranft, Storyboard artist at Pixar Animation Studios passed away recently. He not only did storyboards, he also played the voices of Heimlich the caterpillar, and Weezy the broken penguin squeak toy. Heimlich was my favorite. Joe also had some Disney credits under his belt as well. He was only 45.

He will be missed.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Artsy Fartsy

I'm making some more mosaic tables. I also called a local Sattelite installer company and asked then for their discards. They promised to call me when they clean their warehouse out and I can pick out some cruddy-ish sattelite dishes. I also have given my name to some local tile companies for tile remnants that they would ordinarily chuck. They also promised to call me when they get some remnants.

I think I will check in with them periodically just to keep myself fresh in their minds.

I'll post some photos sometime of this, but firstborn has helped me assemble a tiled dish/table. We've got to grout it sometime this weekend. The center tile bits are from an old plate I found here at the house. The whole table came out so nice I almost wish I kept all those dishes from when I cleared my garage. Oh well - whoever got them can use them I am sure.

Middlechild has shown an aptitude for watercolor paint - I think I might get her going on real watercolor paper and paints sometime and teach her some techniques. She's also doing well in school - they've put her in an advanced math class. :)

Youngest is sailing thorugh kindergarten. It broke my heart the other day when I asked what she learned and she told me "green". She knows green. The kindergarten teachers aren't sure what to do with her either - she tells me that sometimes she goes to another classroom to help and sometimes she stays in her classroom. She doesn't need the naptime so they have her helping. I think I will call the principal again and request another conference. I want her in First grade - they have some small classes where she can get the extra help she will need and I can hire a tutor to help her after school. In this case I think the administration is just SO WRONG.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

10 things you probably don't know about me

I decided today to do a 10 things type of post because I can't think of anything to write. So - here's 10 things you may not know about me:

1 - I hate girly things like sewing and cross stitch. Takes too long, I don't have the patience.

2 - I have great taste in Objets de art. Really. If I owned even one thing out of the catalog I just looked through, I'd be hundreds of dollars poorer and a cute night light richer.

3 - I cheat at computer games. Well, hard games anyways. It's no fun if I'm stuck. So I use GOD mode or look up hints. I feel really guilty afterwards, but I don't have the patience to figure it out. That's the main reason I have a lot of unfinished games.

4 - I won an award for creative writing once. It was pretty cool, but it felt like the award wasn't mine because the poem that won was an edited version of my poem. It felt like the poem was missing half it's flesh. My teacher edited (butchered) the poem for me prior to editing it and didn't tell me he was doing it. I was very surprised when I was asked to read it and it wasn't all there. I was very upset. I don't write poetry anymore.

5 - The reason my hair is so long? Not because I like it this way (although I do) It's because I'm too cheap for a haircut. Last trim? Over two years ago. They cut 14 inches off then, and could probably do it again. Split ends? A couple here and there. Why? I slack on conditioner now and then and sometimes blow it dry instead of air dry.

6 - I have a hard time being friends with other females, but have no trouble at all talking to males. Who knows why. Once in a while I find another gal that's just as weird and twisted as I am, ,but mostly I feel weird when other girls are talking about girly things. "Oh, poor Betty, she broke her nail!" "Does this pair of jeans make my butt look fat?" GAG ME

7 - I sing in the car when the windows are closed. I do an awesome rendition of the Monkees theme song. Sometimes I invent hand motions and laugh when other drivers stare at me.

8 - I will someday go to the Grand Canyon. If I don't make it there during my lifetime, DH and the kids are instructed to go there in memory of me. I secretly hope that they will have me cremated and sprinkle some of my ashes there. Is that morbid or what?

9 - I want to move to Africa some day. Maybe to live there maybe just for a couple months.

10 - I get hopelessly lost at the slightest provocation. I navigate on landmarks. If you give me directions, don't tell me east or west, tell me to "take a right at the big oak tree near the victorian era white house with a slate roof and lilacs in front."

Monday, August 15, 2005

Sickies

Everyone's starting to get sick. I am praying that it avoids me because the first 24-48 hours there's nausea, fever and stuffy nose. Then it just changes to normal cold symptoms. My kids have ROYALLY clogged sinuses (Or is the proper usage - sinii? If so - I will never think of Moses the same way again, because the visuals will just be SO wrong**) so I'm popping vitamin C and E and multi-vitamins and washing hands like a freak. I absolutely HATE being sick, and I like to save my sick days for when I'm not sick, like vacation time. It's working so far cause I'm still healthy - although a brief allergy fit this afternoon had me worried.

Also - I'm back to hiving, but on my EYELID. That looks really creepy, let me tell you. And itches like the dickens! I hate hives.

Also - SO GLAD there's no hurricanes yet.

There, I should be about done jinxing myself.

**A Biblical reference: And the LORD came down upon mount Sinai, on the top of the mount: and the LORD called Moses up to the top of the mount; and Moses went up. Exodus 19:20

Saturday, August 13, 2005

uh, oops?

Made popsicles with youngest today - but to re-use the tray she had to eat the final popsicle. So - she's eating the popsicle and we put the tray in the freezer. She looked a little worried at that point so DH and I reassured her that we would put her plastic popsicle stick in the freezer after she was done with it - the popsicles wouldn't freeze that fast. She smiled.

I left the kitchen and was sitting at the computer contemplating a new graphic for this site when I hear DH holler:

no - no - no - NO - NONONO!....... You can't put a germy popsicle stick in the freezer!
...pause...
You already did, didn't you?
...pause...
Okay we just won't tell brother and sister that there's a spit pop in there.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Call of the day

Hello?
Hi, this is Karry from {Software Company}, I'm calling for Richard?
This is Richard...
Hi there Richard! I'm returning your call about {your software}....

...pause...

You had said you were getting errors?
Oh, yes yes, having a turrible time. Just Turrible.
What seems to be the problem
(describes problem)
is it still happening?
No, I mean yes, I mean, well let's see

...pause...

Uh, no I can't seem to make it happen again. I rebooted and it's okay now.
Must be Murphy's law then, hahaha! Watch for it happening again and if it does, give us a call.
Murphy's law? ...pause... I know what that is! It's where they say they can do it but it never gets done and then the army goes there and shoots.

...silence......

hello? Are you still there?
Yes sir, I'm still here
you in Florida?
Yes sir.
You need a drink and a trip to the beach, you near the beach?
It's not too far away from the office, no.
Well, go get a drink and go for a swim, you need a swim.
Okay.... Uh...... well..... thanks and call if you have other issues with {Our Software}!
(click)

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Eye openers

My kids continually open my eyes. See, they get these little toothpicks and one of 'em holds my head still while the others prop them open.... Of course I'm kidding. I don't make them do that, they volunteer.

Seriously however, they always make me look at things from a different point of view. Today, middlechild overslept and missed the bus - so everyone piled into Mom's taxi and I drove them to school. On the way to school she's telling me how she supposes that she will talk to New Friend on the way home on the bus. She's telling me how nice New Friend is and then she says sadly, "But we won't get to play after school ever".

What? Why ever not? I'm sure that I can meet New Friend and her parents and we can arrange something. If she rides your bus she can't live that far away.
"You don't like her"
HUH? I love kids, what makes you think I don't like her? I've never met her.
"Her mom is the mean lady at the bus stop"
I see.

No I suppose we won't be arranging play dates with that child. I can barely tolerate her mother's presence at the bus stop. Middlechild continued talking about New Friend and how they have to pretend to not be friends so New Friend's mother won't see them talking and get mad and yell at New Friend.

Middlechild, I always see Mean Lady at the bus stop, but I don't always see New Friend. Does New Friend live with her father some times or does she have music lessons or something?
"No, she just sleeps in the morning"
So Mean Lady goes to the bus stop without her?!?
"Yeah, sometimes New Friend sleeps in so late that she has to get a ride to school. Mean Lady won't wake her up in the morning because she's in 3rd grade and she's old enough to do it herself so Mean Lady goes to the bus stop first to wait for New Friend."

That made me more upset than you guys will ever know just by reading this. I don't preach on other parenting styles, but c'mon! I thought the girl wasn't hers because they only rarely bring her to the bus stop with them. When your neighbors are questioning whether your child is really your child because of your behavior towards that child, SOMETHING is wrong!

Middlechild?
"Yeah?"
Go ahead and be friends with her. We probably don't want to let Mean Lady know that you are friends though. Oh, and be aware that you guys will probably never get to play after school because I won't let you go over there and she'll probably never get to come over to our house, but I think that little girl could probably use a good friend. So you go ahead and be friends with her.
"Thanks Mom"

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Random bits - now with SHOES!

NERD ALERT: I've added an RSS feed to the links at the top left hand side - it's just a link right now - I will add a graphic for it probably sometime tonight. If you use a homepage such as My Yahoo, you can subscribe to the site feed by adding the linked URL to your content. Check the help files of your particular home page for assistance doing this - but if you ask nicely I might be able to figure something out and assist. Just send me a mail.

In other news, nothing much is going on. Got all the kids new sneakers last night - they kind of needed them. Firstborn's toes were sticking out (Hey - gimme a break here, his grey socks blended in - it was hard to notice!) and youngests shoes had cracks in the sides that let all the sand in from the school play area. We all know that sandy sneakers are pretty darn uncomfortable. Middlechild had inherited a nice pair of barely used sneakers that fit her just fine from a co-worker of mine but insisted that she deserved new sneakers too because the other two were getting them. So - we went shoe shopping. Of course, my kids have excellent taste and requested shoes that would cost me $25-$50 on up. I'm cheap so I kept them all in the $15 or less range. I'm just going to have to replace them again in about 6 months or so anyways.

Youngest got shoes she was happy with - (they can't have laces - she hates laces) and fortunately there was a pair of sneakers with zippers in her size on CLEARANCE! Yay! I heart clearance. Middlechild got a pair of canvas tennies from the ladies department. She's wearing womens 6.5's people. I'm not ready for womens shoes yet - she's still only 10! The shocker though - Firstborn was happily shod in Mens size 10.5's! His feet are bigger than mine! I forsee several years of specially ordering his shoes once he outgrows the selection at Walmart.

WHY YES! I buy cheap shoes at WalMart! Mostly because my selection of stores here in this town consist of Walmart, Walmart, Walmart, or a 45minute drive to the nearest Just For Feet store or Payless Shoes. Also, cause I'm cheap. Shhhh - don't tell the kids, I want it to be a surprise.

In other bargain hunting wonders, I stopped at the local department store clearance outlet store and found dressy SILK SHIRTS in my size, for $5 each. I've always had champagne taste on a beer budget so these were perfect. And so MINE. I heart silk.

DH has obtained a DVD writer for the computer. So..... Guess what y'all on my Christmas mailing list are getting for Christmas??? Here's a hint: It involves our camcorder and various ridiculously behaving children. Hmmm, betcha can't tell.

Also - Mom? I'm STILL waiting on the pictures you promised me! I'm going to start forking out the blackmail photos of you if I can't see your painted kitchen. LOL!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

There's actually a name for this

It's a weird effect I thought was normal until I got into junior high and high school, and by then I didn't talk about it cause I would have been labeled crazy. DH still looks at me that way when occasionally I will tell him something smells brown or tastes green, however.

Turns out there is a name for it: Synesthesia. More information here and here.

Pretty much what it is is where one sense overlaps on another sense. So - I can taste vegetable soup and call it green flavored. The letter E is blue. Squares are red. It's why I can read a book and feel like I am watching a movie. Those aren't words on paper, those are pictures.

Apparently I'm not nuts, and there's a real scientific term for it. NEAT!

Saturday, August 06, 2005

DH is a good cook

I'm at work today - eating yet another bowl of his stew. WITH A FORK. 'nuff said.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Bus Stop

She's back at the bus stop this year.

I knew she would be. This bothers me more than anything. I do NOT want her near my children. She has no kids, why is she there????

I suspect that she hoped we would move or something.

If she's there again tomorrow, I'm going to file a complaint. I DO NOT want her anywhere close to my children.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

First day of school tomorrow!

All the kids are excited. My oldest is going to middle school tomorrow! Middlechild is in fourth grade! Youngest is getting so big! I can hardly believe it - time is flying.

I can't believe summer break is over. Each year school starts this early and it just feels wrong. Timing-wise that is. I know why they do it, but it still feels wrong to me.

I've discovered that I am missing about $50 worth of supplies that I thought I had enough of for the Christmas gifts this year. Fortunately it's still early enough that I can wait for some more breathing room in my paycheck and get it later. I told Dh that I went through the catalog and picked all the things I wanted to order and then trimmed it down to all the things I needed to finish what I had and the bill dropped from about $200 to $50. Beading is like crack, let me tell you. I found a new way of making a bracelet. Well - it's not really new, but it's a new technique for me and I like it. I'm just short on clasps.

I'm making lots extra this year because my stash last year almost sold out at Christmastime at work. Dunno if it will be like that again, but I can hope. If not - I will get a table at the local flea market and see if my stuff sells there. I'm sure it will.... Maybe I will do that anyhow - those tables are only a couple bucks to rent for a day or two. Hmmmmmm 2 miles of trashy goodness plus me. Maybe I better not - I'd spend all that I earned there. LOL!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Flagging euphemisms

Advance warning to all you males that read this blog - I am going into the realm of TMFI today. (TMFI = Too Much Female Information) Fair warning, you may not want to read this. Today's post is rated PG-13, so if you are under thirteen, you may want to have an adult read this post with you. Go on, I'll wait.

Now - based on the title of this post, I am sure you can guess what my topic is today. If not, by the end of this post - it will be unavoidably obvious! (HA - a joke! Don't get it? Keep reading)

For the record, sometimes I think my body is nuts. It does crazy things like letting various body parts fall asleep or go numb for days on end and crave gross food like broccoli and asparagus. Why, just the other day, I saw a photo of a deep fried dill pickle and actually wondered to myself about where on earth I could find me summa dat goodness. Fried dill pickles? You can't tell me that isn't weird. Today was no exception to the norm.

Now, as you read this, keep in mind that my supervisors are male as are the majority of my co-workers. Youngish "still think fart jokes are funny" males. (Okay, so some of them ARE funny.... quit laughing at me) Anyhow, I'm sitting there minding my own business doing my calls. It's right around the time when Margaret comes to visit me every month and because she came early, it's about time for her to be leaving, sometime today or tomorrow.

As the day progresses and there's been no sign of her for over 24 hours, I put away the guest towels and forgot all about it. I figured that she left on time for once. Life is good.

I should tell you that Margaret is an evil lying sneaky witch.

I found this fact out about Margaret after I strode through the entire department, through the lunchroom, back through the department to my desk, and then to the bathroom. I passed about 20 co-workers; many of them snickering. Didn't think twice about it because, well, lots of fart jokes here, it's a guy thing. So, by the time I got to the bathroom, I noticed I was feeling slightly damp. Nothing alarming - just slightly damp. Thank goodness I was at the bathroom when I felt it. Thank goodness nobody's in the bathroom right now. Let's see what's up.

OH - NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Did I ever mention to you that parts of me conveniently lose their senses? Yeah - well, in this case, damp meant wet. VERY wet, VERY red, and all over the backside of my jeans. Looked like I had just painted a giant red flag on my butt.

I nearly lost it. Immediately I began conversing with myself:

You have to go home and change!
I can't leave the bathroom!
Call someone for help!
Who is going to come to my rescue... funny-fart-guy? What on EARTH could he do?
So... cover it up.
With what, pray tell... I'm in a BATHROOM!
Paper towels will cover it!
How? Wear them like sumo underpants? Gee like THAT's not going to attract attention.
Sorry..... Hey! Cover it up with your shirt!
Here's a song that should tell you how I feel about that.... "Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie....."
Okay Okay, Shut Up. I get it. But you gotta do something!
I know, I know!
You need clean pants
I know that already!
Wash your jeans.
Oh yes - I'll just swirl them about the toilet once or twice, eh?
No, stupid, use the sink! Just don't get the whole pair wet!
Hmmmmm, that just might work....

So, I did what any red-blooded American girl would. I stripped and washed my pants in the sink. All the blood rinsed out thank goodness, and I only had to use a small amount of hand soap. I dried them off and put them on and checked myself out.

Now, instead of blood, it looked like I peed myself. Much more attractive, eh?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Where I grew up


Illinois
Originally uploaded by LadyKiwi.
This is a map of the neighborhood where I spent many formative years between the ages of 2 and 12. Click through to the map to read notes on various places in the map and take a trip down memory lane with me.

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