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Life is not about getting to the destination, life is what happens to you on the way there. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Smiths in Florida minus 1

You're back? You still read this thing? I am flattered.

About 6 months ago I posted that my life was going through a major upheaval and I would be taking a hiatus from this blog. I'm still not sure if I will post often, but blogging is a catharsis fro me and I miss it - so who knows. I figured I eneded to update those of you who still read/check on me what is going on in my life to cause me to leave so abruptly.

There's no easy way to say this so I will just say it.

I'm divorcing DH.

As to the why of it all, I really dont want to go into it here. Send me a line and we can talk about it sometime if you are really interested. I will just say that this blog painted a rosy picture of my life that was not all roses. I've written about stuff that I never wrote about on here - maybe sometime I will cross link it. Maybe not. it's intense - the other stuff. it's really hard to write about. Lots of stuff I never admitted to myself as well. But I'm dealing, and working through it.

In some ways now that he's out of the picture things ar ebetter. In other ways things are worse. I just spent an hour and a half on the phone with the electric company arguing with them about my account because they insist on debiting the old checking account that is closed and NOT the enw one. They can't fix the saved bank account information, and they will not refund the "fee" they put on the account for the "NSF". If they would have used the account information that I gave them, there would have been no problem. When I called on Friday concerned that they still hadnt taken their money, if they had LET me confirm the account they tried to use, there would have been no problem. But no - they tell me to wait till monday, I find out they DID use the wrong information, and I'm hit with a $50 charge that COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED which they will NOT CREDIT ME WITH. I went through three layers of management over there and nobody is helping me. I seriously hate FPL. HATE THEM.

AGH can you say tangent? Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yes. The divorce. The kids are taking it fairly well, Firstborn keeps skipping school, and I can't figure out why - I think it's because he wants to anger me. It's not making me mad, its just making me sad. he's a good kid, he knows better - yet I cant keep him there. I thinkhe's going to fail this year due to his absences. I dont know what to do about it. I take him there - we talk abou tnot skipping, I've pulled priveliges, I've assigned extra chores, but he does it anyway. i wish I knew what to do to help him.

The girls are doing okay. Sometiems I fall apart and just cant do much of anything... they really help me when that happens. I appreciate it so much.

I am battling a really bad case of the depressions.... I spook most of it away and am mostly happy but now and then I lose it and things just collapse. I am hoping that as time goes on that the collapsing will happen less and less. I'm also hoping that if I force myself to blog again that maybe it will help. I usually feel better after writing.

As to where this blog will go? Who knows. I will try to post regularly, but I doubt it's going to be the daily pace I had from before. I dont even know if I can make another post after this one. I just plain dont know.

What I do know is this: I am still hurting from the 13 years I spent with DH and still very lonely. I thought the lonely part would go away when I made him leave the house, but nope - it's still here. I'm less hurting now that he's gone though. I dont cry every day. And that's a good thing, no matter how small.

Okay - I have to go pick up a sick child from school, finish straightening out my electric bill, write a letter of complaint to the head of FPL whoever he is and move onward with work whenever I make it into the office. I think I'm going ot have to take the day off to finish all of this because I cant leave my child home alone and I cant take them to work with me if they are sick.

one normal day, that's all I ask for. Just one.

Someday, I might get it. Maybe. I hope.

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